Before You Pass the Story Along
Proverbs 18:13, 17 — If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame… the one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
There’s something unsettling about discovering that someone has formed an opinion of you through a conversation you weren’t part of. They’ve heard a story, reached a conclusion, and repeated it to others. You haven’t had an opportunity to explain what happened, but your character has already been discussed and your motives decided. If we know how painful that is, we should be careful about doing it to someone else. Someone describes a disagreement with a relative, a conflict at work, or something painful at church. They sound sincere and their account is detailed. We care about them, so we begin accepting their conclusions along with their account. Soon we’re speaking confidently about someone we haven’t heard from.
Scripture calls us to stop before we go further. Proverbs 18:17 doesn’t say the first person is necessarily lying. It says their account seems right until it’s examined. Further questions may reveal facts that change our understanding. Someone can accurately describe being corrected while leaving out the behavior that prompted it. They can repeat another person’s words without explaining what came before them. Sometimes those omissions are deliberate. Sometimes hurt makes our perspective narrow. Either way, sincerity doesn’t make an account complete, and trusting someone doesn’t make every conclusion they draw correct.
Proverbs 18:13 names the seriousness of answering prematurely: folly and shame. We should feel the weight of that. Reputations and relationships can be damaged by words we felt justified in speaking. Before repeating an accusation, ask what you actually know. Did you witness what happened? Have you distinguished facts from interpretations? Are you speaking to someone who can help address the concern, or simply adding another listener to the story?
We also need to stop treating silence as a confession. Someone may be honoring confidentiality, protecting another person’s dignity, or refusing to turn a painful situation into a public argument. Silence alone proves neither innocence nor guilt. We have no right to fill what we don’t know with whatever explanation best fits the story we’ve heard. And love requires more of us than agreement. We can tell a friend, “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” without declaring everyone they blame guilty. We can ask careful questions and encourage an appropriate path toward resolution. Serious concerns deserve responsible attention, but circulating them among people who can’t address them does nothing to establish the truth.
This matters in the church. When we repeat accusations, assign motives, and recruit allies, we can deepen the division we claim to lament. Calling a conversation “concern” or “a prayer request” doesn’t remove our responsibility for what we say. And if you’ve been reading this with someone else’s sin in mind, real or imagined, pause. It’s possible to agree with every word here while avoiding what God is exposing in you. Before deciding who needs to read this, ask whose reputation has suffered because of what you’ve been willing to believe or repeat. If you’ve spoken carelessly, don’t settle for feeling uncomfortable about it. Go back to the person you told. Say, “I spoke without knowing enough. I shouldn’t have presented that as fact.” Where you’ve misrepresented someone, seek to repair the harm.
That humility grows from the gospel. Jesus knows the whole truth about us, including the details we omit when defending ourselves. His grace frees us to confess without preserving the appearance that we were right all along and His Spirit enables us to speak with the truthfulness and love we’ve received from Him. Someone may bring you a troubling story today. Listen carefully and take their pain seriously. But don’t offer a verdict you aren’t qualified to give or pass along an accusation you haven’t established. The person speaking deserves your care, and person who isn’t in the room deserves your fairness.
Head: God holds me responsible for the judgments I make and the stories I repeat.
Heart: Have I mistaken loyalty to someone I care about for permission to condemn someone else?
Hands: Identify an accusation you’ve repeated without sufficient knowledge. Correct it with the person you told, and stop passing it along. If a serious concern remains, bring it to someone responsible for addressing it.
Prayer: “Father, forgive me for the times I’ve judged quickly and spoken beyond what I knew. Give me courage to correct careless words and humility to examine the stories I find easiest to believe. By Your Spirit, make my speech serve the peace and holiness of Your church. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
-PK